getting to write here is a bit of a trick...so much has  happened...I am watching a dvd series from Britian entitled 'Broadchurch'...I'm on the 3rd disk (or 4th, who knows..) and I'm still in the dark as to w ho the actual killer may be...there is a family by t he name of Gillespie the dad of two disappeared daughters (one of them anyways)...the police have found an incinerator that potentially could have dispensed with the remains of the girls...Mr. Gillespie is seen in one segment looking at something on the Internet that could be kiddie porn: he's bent over the computer screen possibly wanking off.  The camera doesn't say much and it's the only clue so far...wish the dramatic music weren't sooooo dramatic all the time, makes the entire process very heavy to look at... so that's my diversionary ethic of the moment 'broadchurch'...
on another note my mother has been hospitalized since last Thursday...I was very bent about what is happening with her estate but now that it's down to the wire and she's looking more and more like she will check out for good, I g uess I don't care what happens because it will be so expensive to keep her in care that whatever is left after she does die will go to pay the bills for the $6 thou a month it will be costing her children to keep her alive...  when she is consciousn and alert she's  hypercritical and there's not much of her that isn't bent on telling us all what to do...you never hear her remark on a philosophical topic, or tell us that she loves us and try to say goodbye again and again...perhaps I'm having lessons on how to behave when it's my turn to be in her situation...I should think now about how much I love my children...how precious every moment with them truly is...and how I reside in the confidence to believe with my heart that this is a good life and we are truly blessed to be in it...this s ummer has been like t hat, one sunnny day after another, it's been a revelation..I worry about getting the tarp refitted to t he roof because I will not be able to maintain my plans to reroof t his year..so I have to refit what's there and get the firewood into dry cover and thresh the growing weeds (blackberry, morning glory...) whilst the lawnmower has quit, hehe..the little weedwacker does go with some tweaking so that'll  have to be the instrument of choice...haven't slept much on the back deck but the blankets are always out t here waiting on me...have spent several days now at the hospital watching mom improve..she's on IV fluids round the clock though they took her off of t hem on saturday and I couldn't come Sunday because of the county fair and having to be there as a art demonstration volunteer, for w hich I got a free pass to enter..parking was a bother, packing out the bonsai alder along with the two paintings I put in the art show at the fair, kind of a lugging process where I was sweaty in my nice dress but I had sandwiches from after mass and I stopped at the dollar store and got a tomato juice along with some things for my dogsitter.  I realized I'd forgotten the lampoil I cannot find my almost empty bottle of that stuff but the dogisitter says he has access to some I hope I get that because it's growing dark sooner now and lamps will have to be lit...we're going off the grid power wise as t he PUD bills mount along wit the phone bill I wonder do I really need that house phone?  gone up to almost a hundred a month...wow...I can't afford that, my little s ummer job will be cut in  half when my neighbor returns from her summer job and takes over part of that then there's this place and it's only a hudnred a month and don't know if that ends in october or goes all ayear long...we'll see...like to think that my daughter is going to come through with my baloon payment loan maybe on my burpday, that'd be great t hen I'll be in better shape and so on...
I think I worry too much perhaps big ol guy came in here t his morning looked like he had a few bucks...and no wife, hehe...that was funny, latch onto a sugar daddy and what have you got...actually already went through that with meints and still kind of in pain that it did not work out as it might have...back t hen I had the insight and the job at monroe and the nice house in the woods outside arlington and he tells me he's reuniting with his exwife...AAGGGHHHH!!! so
have lived on my own ever since but t here's dobes now who calls on a whim now and th en and that's it..ex calls t hat being the jizz jar and it does seem so..brrr...probably ought to head to forks to the hospital...see what's up..ok, just  called bro at Forks hospsital Mom's improving - they will put her in their swing bed and move her to longterm care there when she is more stabilized..getting over t here to see her will be a logistics issue, I want to pick blackberries as they are now ripe, I need to refit the roof tarp and even the edges on the lower deck, tarp that as well...have been slowly reorganizing the underside of lower deck, probably should stack that full a wood...this winter I should have wood closer to the house so's I'm not slogging in the mud to get to it...well, there's lots to be done

review of Blue Diary by Alice Hoffman

very funny composition ethic here today...can use the webpage...but NOT..unless I 'select' all first then delete..and I get an indicator so I know it will record my typing...wahoo!!
meanwhile, Alice Hoffman's book Blue Diary that I just finished reading..well, it starts out the kind of story one hasn't read in evwer times..a happily married couple?  really?  he's devoted to her, she's happy as a clam, they have a son (only one??) they have a house and jobs and he's devoted to the community at large, volunteer firefighter (they're still in love, really?) she has almost normal friends almost meaning that her bestie didn't ever know who was devoted to her...and she married stumbody stupid but then she gets into the devoted guy who's still devoted after 3 kids with someone else..well, anyway...this story starts out like once upon a time in totally dreamily happy land...and you want to get with theprogram and believe it all works just like that but hey, does it?  it's a blueprint for happiness, the beginning of this story but it unravels like a poorly knit sweater, one long string of gloop that descends over the wellbuilt beginning like frosting too runny to put on the cake, it drools all over the place going from a murdered redhead to a breast cancer sick redhead to a valiant volunteer firefighter with burned hands to a manical narcissist minimally aware of his ability to kill another person (well, he let the middleaged sponsoress off without a slap but did that prove anything??)..Hoffman doesn't draw much of a fine line in her initially solid characters, the happily married pair who are so good for themselves and for their little homespun community that has trees living since colonial days (I had a house that was preColonial and it was just fine, assumably so was the apple tree in the story that made bad apples)...ok so blame the faulty characters on the bad apple growing tree that was in front of the library since late 1700's..maybe you could...but there's so much inbetween stuff in this story, such good filling, you keep on reading and you know it's not going to improve once it gets off the deep end and the main hero does bad stuff...you find it hard to see that he could, well, he'd done this in his past life and now he's going to pay...all reference to the blessed union that sounds so gay in the beginning are put to bed like so many young children needing their beauty sleep...it's plausible but does it wash?  not me ..it seemed more like an exercise in how to read like mad for hours looking for the good part..you find out the best  happiness you can squeeze from this is story is the secondary character's romance with the man who's been devoted to her always...and SHE has breast cancer...well...is that what we can hope for?  it seems as if the initial love and bliss of the main characters was just a paper exercise for the author because as soon as she explodes that bliss with  the kiloton bomb of early history (and I might add the chopping of the old apple tree) we're off on a big chunk of depression causing activity both for the characters in the story and for the reader...the skies were gray and weepy but I didn't feel l ike crying for these characters...I just thought, yeah I heard enough times how warm it gets in massachusetts in the summer but then I actually lived on Maryland's Tidewater so I know all about that landscape and yeah, I even knew about a young neighborwoman's murder, across the street no less..!  so I had some vague faint quaint history that lured me into continuing to read this book but where it lost me was right in the beginning when the heretofore amorous romantic husband is escorted out of his  home.  I think we need more of the former and none of the latter...that's my vote  

automatically composing