aloha mon amour..

well...all things considered, good ol ET has gotten the better of me one more time in terms of sweethearts...he was always in the PL mode, that was a given, couldn't be himself in any regard especially the doting fancier but he was nice in a lot of little ways that I now regret being a part of because august 20 was the last I heard from him and then he 'lost his cell phone'...and though he knows where I live, he hasn't been by or been in touch and it's now going into November so I know that we must be through...it feels like a veryheavy heart I have and I'm going away in a few days for a little teeny vacation and I don't have any precious thoughts to carry with me other than what I read on his facebook posts and who knows if that's him posting or 'her' representing  herself as him because I once asked him to 'friend' me so we could talk and he said 'I'd have to go all the way down to the senior center to use the computer...like he didn't do that??' himmmm...hmmmm... lacuna is being held for me at the library and librarian said there wasn't a notice on her page when I checked out my movies today so will have to drop back by there again and get that ..I don't like barbara kingsolver as a writer, thoughts all over the page as though she had every intention of confusing the reader and underwear likes her so that's another reason as underwear is totally dosshell orientated..and I had to GP firsthand this noon as though every speck of dust in the place were causal to her being in my car..mud spots and all, confusion and chaos in the order of the house...where to go what to do..just sold tee shirts to two tourists...they'll be up and about wearing our local gear from b.ham they are...do I miss the crabby one that had the nice smile and wandered into the room in  his hawaii shirt looking fine?  yep...I think I could just drop by and say hey but he's been heavily et'd to the point where well...probably it isn't safe and yeah I could move to maui to live near my son but would I ever see him either?  not much I'd gather, good ol et has it in hand that we're to be the dna splicing elements for whatever tf she wants in a day...I don't see her purpose or why that is but I miss my special someone greatly and it's been months since I was in  his company although yes he wasn't demonstratively affectionate and yes he was at least brusque if not scarily so...walking the line of reality and what I perceived as our true course together I now know why it was not to be because et had the upper hand and control of the body itself but not the spirit he was always there in that and I don't know what will become of my heart as I gave it to him in one moment in May and he kept for a while and yes I was pretty concerned even then that et would ride it out like the spawning salmon going up the river just herds of bogus intent there and a funny smell always in the house ok so...always have to be with someone, in love with someone and now there's no one and I've let him go...because et is at my very door and keeps that from me...

weirdnesses

this all began saturday morning when I was chopping onions...fellow club member gets cellphone call and remarks, "Bob's eyeball fell out, I have to go..." with the sort of nonchalance that such a comment definitely does not bring with it...HUH? I thought
then yesterday a 5 am call when I'm snoring my deepest snores, "need your help" voicemail as in to vaccuum and so forth so I think 'when I wake up' but no it's an urgent call prompted by extreme pain..and I only got that after some discussion with the party in question...so, fogs big time in and my usual fren...who can't move around much without shuffling...has 'loaned money' to someone who's now taking care of the household chores so my little bit of scratch has developed its own flea...again I should say, this has happened before and maybe the fren will be bitching about how the loanee has not done her duty and that's why the house is a wreck (she wouldn't be doing the dishes, the shuffler)...anyways...don't know what to do about all of this, try to remain above it and get my art show on the walls and remain calm and so on and so forth but when you sit in church every sunday with the actual perpetrator good ol mickey mouse himself with glasses and a fat butt and a puss well...why not, so I thought so I did...
anyways, I'm outta here for now...back to this another time maybe friday afternoon dunno...time's short, have to make supper for the painer... 

went to see the hugger again

yep..I did and my darn car broke down right at the old Wilson house just before the Hoko Bridge so that was a bummer...going to see Gary F about it right now, see what's the diagnosis...always worry about that because my funds are so limited but it has to be what it has to be...that's the way the cookie crumbles and so on...I guess I don't know what I'm doing in terms of being realistic about 'the hugger'...he really holds me tight and he's so hampered in his ability to communicate himself...ah..he was the darling when he got in yesterday...I was early..and he popped in the bedroom in his Hawaii print shirt, blue and white very very handsome...and I think he has the personality to go with it but that darn Hollywood ethic thing going, it's really tiresome...so anyway...we did waht we did and he fed me some excellent salmon dip...late in the night while we watched the television..says his cable is off because he isn't paying bills because he hasn't caught any fish...I suspent thats a CT thing...like the little putz sitting outside the VC today...interfering with the smooth operation of things because he's been 'rattled'...we'll see...off to see Gary now..I'll miss FOJ tonight because haven't any wheels and hopefully I get them back...soon...meanwhile...what it is is what it is...
sigh...I guess I love this guy and he's going to marry me...when we get hollywood off our backs...hehe

sore back

well, sitting here in front of the keyboard seeing how quickly my fingers can fly over the keys.  haven't heard from the 'sweet one' since last Wednesday which I don't take as a bad sign but then again I can't say that it's really good...Went to b'ham to see the kids, it was fun and I was tired last night from driving home.  Helped clean up the vining street house, it was littered with the bits and pieces of the residency...plugs didn't work for vacuuming, kept falling out of the wall so had to sweep the rooms which was a chore being as my back is very sore from labeling and stocking at the CoOp...went on a run around lunchtime 3-person car accident called out the second rig for it which Angie and I were going to get out to the scene in...as it turned out they fit everyone in the first rig so they didn't need us for that so I got back to the Sekiu Center in time for lunch which was on Barbara as she'd brought along two packages of Chicken Flavor Top Ramen..always good for a noodle soup is Top Ramen..so had that then swung by the Quarter Store to see what was new, got a good yellow sweater which puts more at home on the 'done with' pile, which seems to grow and to shrink as I sort it out...other than that, time to head on out of here for the rest of my day..

Gino the Circus Dog

almost home and then again aren't I always

my little grandson is going to be a comedian when he grows up...shades of billie crystal in the crowds at his burpday...looking on, funny how comedians make you see the humor of things...but never crystalize into absolute seriousness...althoughtheyalwaysarethat...
I should think, with my back aching the weight it doze..dog snoring up a pile of logs by my feet...curtains drawn though morning light is attempting to interface with the lamp on the cute little dropleaf table next to me...rattling snore of the animal who is pretty cute pugnacious EUGENE...named for Ken Kesey's rattlegrounds...we wubbed him..
supposed to be writing this in a certain manner - my challenge..was about the kiddo being a comedian someday...oh he will..the energy is there and he will need it with his father and mother being the conscientious young adults they are...always giving in at the very last moment, letting poor baby scream his lungs out at bedtime "I DON"T WANT TO DO THIS I"M NOT TIRED DAMN YOU ALL!!!' until he gives up...gibbs up...and floats off into the astral plane for about two hours at which point parents have circumscribed their guilt at letting him tear his lungs up shouting at them and have foisted themselves into their bed doing whatever young parents do in the meantime and have entered phase ONEREM...there he goes again YOWL>>>and they don't bother with the schematics of waht they were about before when they first put him down...there's the key probably 'put him down''/./..you're going to bed young man...you've had it/interpret/i've had it with you and your helplessness I need a leetle break from all the chores of assisting you to your physical independence of me and anyone else who might get to change your pants or pick you up...
so he waits with trembling score in hand..the mad jockey and when REM is achieved in both parental guys...YOWL..and waht do they do...
they pad into his room..shuffle shuffle..yawn...groan..cummhere buddy
pick the little dude up out of his crib..KRIB..hoist him on their shoulder and shuffle off to buffalo (there bed)..where he sleeps the rest of the night secure in the knowledge he RULES THE F'n universe...
and how to interject into this sequence the ability to provide comedic relief to the rest of the world..in due time?
easily...granddmere was onboard for several nights of his repetitive, controlling routine wherein folks are down with him schlepping in and hoisting him on their shoulders tossing him inbetween them for a goodnights' sleep all around...grandmere goes, eh...this is how it is eh buddy?  well, we'll go see the boogerfactory supervisor about this one...since you is such a goodlittle kid...(dog raises his head and goes yeah, she's on it, she's on it, she's on it...though he's so tired of the mess)...human kind..
so..fra materI defines the process right here a=b=c or depreviation at bedtime of comforting stories, rocking, singing...the best jokes...ok that would be it...the best jokes

vinnie and luigi live in the brooklyn heights neighborhood where aunts sis and betty once dwelt...vinnie is in technical vocation school 'i'm technically getting a vocation...but I ain't gonna be no priest'..he tells the gurls...
luigi is apprenticed to his Uncle Batosi..who is the worlds formost pizza dough man in the immediate vicinity and luigi has a thing for twirling pizza dough...
luigi and vinnie both went to st thomas aquinas (probably made up this part but sufficient we have the same religious backgrounds..)and have been the best of friends since kindigarden..
luigi 'twirled a twoyarder today'
vinnie 'no way..what on it?
luigi 'usual, pepperoni s'all'
vinnie 'save a piece?"
luigi 'you kiddin' batosi..eh..giveyaafingenail furst'..
vinnie'gross man..nuttin for da boys?
luici 'oh yeah, he said stuff this in your fat little face you greedy monster
luigi pulls out a parchment paper containing a lucious morsel of batosi's more elegant cheese/tomato sauce concoctions and stuffs it in vinnie's open mouth
vinne 'what is that, it's great...oh man...chewing..it's totally wonderful..I should b e a food credit..this food is E.X.C.E.L.L.E.N.T..spelling it out
luigi..I threw in some fresh basil..a little snip of Patsi's rosemary..a diced trimani salami..olives from you know where..grated romano out of batosi's goat
vinnie..no way the goat again
luigi yep..
vinnie..well then..it's truly great..it is it is I love it..tell him put it on the menu NOW
luigi..he's thinking of calling it 'Luigi's One and Only'..
vinnie..ah, you're still on about Carmella Pennascotti?
luigi...my eyes adore her..but I wouldn't lay on hand on her with  Big Marky running around
vinnie...hurts, daolderbrudder syndrome
luigi...sighs loudly and kicks a pop cap into the street
vinnie..hang in there man, I think she likes you
luigi..I think so too, but the big brother thing..it's not good
vinnie...maybe I talk to him, see what he thinks of you..you could take her to the movies..he could jump off the bridge, hehe, elbows luigi luigi smiles a bit
luigi..I made a stupid pizza with her face, strings of mozzarella for hair..pepperoni lips...black olive eyebrows...tomato slice cheeks..Uncle Batsoi looks at it..he goes..'what we doing SEsame Street lives now?'...I got all sad then and baked it on 425 for ten minutes and sent it to her..took it out of my pay..twelve dollars..signed the box 'courtesy of the Brooklyn Transit authority' and gomo delivered for me..it was really hot when he got there he said..how DUMB am I?'
vinnie...pretty dumb, for twelve dollars and no date, still, a girl's gotta eat...she datin' anyone else you think? 
luigi..nah..according to Gomo no other clowns in the town...
vinnie..what she do? go to school? 
luigi..she's at some art school downtown doing design somebody told me...classes every day..walks out the door with a big drawing envelope with a zipper..keeps her stuff in there..
vinnie..you watch her do that?
luigi?  huh? me? ...well, I borrowed Tatiana's Civic and I was parked up the block one day, just because
vinnie elbows him again...just because you're a nard..punches him in the arm
luigi punches him back...watch it boy...no more pizza for the slugger...hits vinnie in the arm
vinnie..well, I gotta get back to Mama's...we're going to hang the bigscreen...can't wait to watch the game on that beauty..
luigi..see ya man..later...hang out on the corner/
vinnie...just like our dads bro...just like our dads

scene fades...and it's much better than sadder day Knight LIBe
 

versional unit analysis...dixie solo cups

can't see how solo cups interfaces with baby on the floor but it does...baby is good..talking, 'hey dad' in gaga terms..such a great season of light to be around this one..any child of this age..one on sunday..wooken dogs  barking it is their child..well maybe the one here they protect by their presence..to believe in myth and lyric at the same time..granddaughter my ayah..lyric..attains it..let's project her with that power..I'd not felt it but it is there...she goes lightly from my room as though there were no fairies in the world at all but they'd become children as she is, floating within the light of their own spirits, this one a screamer does she not get her way..and tapped to be the singer in the band that is yet to come, because she will control that fierceness with the power of belief because her father will teacher as I have taught him..we did not make the rules, but we know what they are..
a set of phoenics within the relevance of our accepted code..today the music of the holidays begins for next week is tanksgibbin..in turkey talk there will probably be a surfeit of them although I'm possibly inclined to be the one left in the station waiting for the next plane or bus...or whatever gets me home again I'd like to travel freely but my autoexecutor state is taken up by hellos from families of which I am a part and where my heartstring is plucked..bling..hello...some of the mountains I viewed from the plane's window were actually true gold because this is earth and where the story jesus as the son of god originated and when we go to the other parts of our solar system that will be what we know first when we get there..he came to us to let us know he'll be in charge of the entire operation from a far corner where not a feather on any bird will be disturbed..and still my hair is falling out..like woven threads of human gold it sparkles like silver on the brush..and I wonder did I weave it to do this or am I getting old?  nah...a corrupt visual basic program no doubt because today is the day we we birth the solar captain..who will go solo ever after as leia is no more..
and the song cycle worked because on the sea the fish is caught in the hands of the master fisherman...what did he say, be fishers of men?  yep..he said that...anyway, he always speaks through me like that because I am a theologian of the new age..stood in front of the white house, all that...was at the Moratorium...knew about the origins of Adolph Hitler and the neighbor's dog..all in one..elaborate?  how about embroider on the truth and learn the proper stitches to complete the tablecloth of grapevines that must account for the exploding blackberry soda/beer that had too much Yeast..
well, it might be poetry or it might be the cracking longing that is being assauged by my being here with the baby son of my daughter and her husband...that might be it and living in the gallery space that is my studio..as if it were a museum..paintings everywhere...and do I write my artist husband who was at the Corcoran as though the association of an art school was really something to aspire to...well It hought so..and so would a trip to Europe be but how could you do that had you never had a comission although I had a teeny one from the George Meany center for seventy five dollars and now I've got a mean George that snipes me as though he were really a sandpiper and I was on his beach, scaring him up sandfleas and his voiceover was tripped up by the presence of...sigh...there's were the song cycle of the Hopi comes into it..the sand in the wind..fly away...leave that one grain for the bear and the deer and the coyote and the wolf..and let my little sons wear the headdress wherever they are..and dance it out with great joy that we may never feel again this longing for such closeness with a spirit that abides within us and keeps us free in our minds and hearts always..and so we may never know why it is that things happen as they do, for they are retribution for a dark path...